


Tender Contention

by thedreamerdelta



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: 5.0 MSQ spoilers, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Catharsis, Existential Angst, Female Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), Oneshot, Panic Attack, Self-Love, Survivor Guilt, Trauma, Unnamed Warrior of Light (Final Fantasy XIV), and the importance thereof, just in case, maybe I should tag, probably, unbetaed because i have Nerves, wol just needs a really big hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:34:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24281386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedreamerdelta/pseuds/thedreamerdelta
Summary: The night sky held stars once more, but not the answers she was seeking.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Tender Contention

**Author's Note:**

> “This above all: to thine own self be true  
> And it must follow, as the night the day  
> Thou canst not then be false to any man/Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!”  
> \- Polonius, Hamlet, Act I, Scene III

What do I do now? What was it all for? Who- or what- was she really, anymore?

The Warrior thought she'd moved past those self-introspective questions, but when everything you know was suddenly turned on its head, it was hard not to struggle. When everything you'd been told to fight for turned out to be a lie, it was hard not to wallow. She came so close to death... No, worse. She's died before. She could handle that - well, the Echo could. (What even _was_ the Echo, now?)

But her insides squirmed at the mere memory of how close she had come to being utterly consumed. Not even Hydaelyn could have intervened to prevent it. (Would She have? Knowing what you know now?) The all-consuming light that threatened her very soul would have turned into what she had fought with every fiber of her being, just like Titania had so very long ago despite all their power - or perhaps because of it.

And then Tesleen. Sweet Tesleen, who she'd related to so much, wanting to save everyone because wasn't that what she was meant to do? To save those who needed saving? To protect those that nobody else would? And in the end, it hadn't mattered much, had it? To either of them. To any of those lost while saving their homes. It had been futile. Titania transformed, their kingdom cast adrift - until she showed up. Tesleen sacrificed herself in the name of one who hadn't the capacity to even know what the woman had done. She stood there and watched uselessly, in horror as the infection of light consumed her whole, erasing all sense of self until naught but an aether-hungry husk remained.

That...that could have been her. An unholy virtue of unparalleled power that left devastation in its wake and it could have been her. An empty beacon of hope, a tireless devourer, that just happened to have once been a Warrior of Light.

(Gods help her.)

She couldn't go on like this, constantly thinking of what could have been as remembered panic stole her breath.

She made it, right? The night sky outside the Pendants shone shimmering lights, an ocean of stars that had once more been primordial light for a mortal instant. Wasn't her reflection in the window proof that she still existed? Was it not evidence of her survival that her lungs still drew breath? And yet... The nightmare plagued her still. As much as she wished she didn't, she needed help. She needed a way out. She needed-

_Finally! There you are.  
_

She started. A familiar voice and the unexpected feeling of... relief?

Oh. OH!

"Fray?!"

Her heart. Her dear one.  
Who understood.  
More than anything, she had needed someone who understood.

_You couldn't hear us._

"I couldn't hear much of anything," she replied numbly, "let alone the one person who could have helped. If Ardbert hadn't- "

 _We called, and called, and **you couldn't hear us.**_ Fray's voice had never sounded so distraught. 

"I know!" Her tears, at long last, broke free of the confines she had kept them in for gods knew how long. "I know, and I tried. Believe me, I tried. I tried everything I could, but..." She hung her head, unwanted trickles of saltwater streaming down her cheeks. The weight of holding nearly an entire shard's worth of light had been too much to bear for anyone, even her. By the time she realized, by the time she had even thought to use that last and final resort- it had been too late. Her unanswered cries had echoed into an incandescent void as she fractured her way towards oblivion. "I-I couldn't..."

_Never again, are you listening? Listen to me..._

The Warrior shuddered and closed her damp eyes, reaching deep within herself for the comfort of Fray's familiar flame.

 _Listen to my voice. Listen to our heartbeat..._ A barely-there hiss of aether was all the warning she had before Fray's arms wrapped around her. She gripped them back and held fast with all the strength she normally held back. The Warrior's shoulders shook as sobs racked her frame, finally able to let go after everything. _Breathe. You're alive. **We're alive.**_

She was? Fray's grip anchored her to the realm of the living the best it could, she knew, but her mind harbored doubts. It was easy enough to do, having come that shockingly close to nonexistence. "Please..." she mumbled softly, vision blurring even as the stars winked in the distance so brightly as if to make up for a century of being hidden. Begging? She never begged for anything, but she didn't need the mask of strength when it was the two of them. No longer.

Strong, familiar arms drew her away from the window and back towards the bed. _Lie down._

Through hazy thoughts, she complied, letting her constant companion lure her into the bottomless depths of the abyss.

Outside, an endless ocean of stars shimmered brightly above them. She vowed she would never once again take it for granted.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything substantial in a very long time, much less completed it, so I do hope you enjoy.  
> Many thanks to the lovely people at the [Bookclub](https://discord.gg/YgkDStS) for their love and supportive atmosphere.  
> Constructive feedback and commiseration is welcomed.  
> FFXIV: Cethys K'alla @ Siren


End file.
